One month ago today I was tired.
One month ago today I was ornery.
One month ago today I had a really bad headache.
One month ago today I got engaged.
I remember it so well. I had worked and done clinicals for days in a row and I was exhausted. And it wasn't over. I was going to end the weekend by working/being on call 24 hours straight. Only to start the process again monday morning.
I was driving home from clinicals that night when Andy called and reminded me that we were going to eat at his brother and sister-in-law's house that night.
Ahhh nooooooo... I had completely forgotten and all that I wanted was my bed, my pillow and a blanket. Anyway, he told me to be ready by 6:40.  By the time I got home and took a test I had about 40 minutes for a quick nap. When he came at 6:45 I wasn't ready. I was still in my pajamas. And I was really rude to him. I'm never nice when my
naps are interrupted. I didn't talk to him almost the whole drive down.
I finally apologized as we got off the freeway. And I only did that so it wouldn't be awkward at dinner. I hate making a scene.
We pulled into the driveway and all the lights were off at his brother's house. We knocked on the door and there was no answer.
I was really annoyed at this point. We walked in.
To the left, a table had been set up. Music was playing. Candles were burning. There were flowers and pictures. And there was food. And the best part about it was that it was set up picnic style. Andy knows how much I love my picnics.
I started crying because I felt so bad for being so mean to him.
We hugged and he told me that everything was alright. Then we sat down to eat dinner. He didn't pull the ring out until dessert. And then I cried some more.
The funny thing is is I didn't suspect a thing. I mean, it crossed my mind, but I didn't give it much thought. He surprises me with stuff all the time when he knows I'm having a hard time with school, work, or whatever. And so that is what I figured he was doing this time.
Looking back I realize how oblivious I was. Seriously? Candles, photos, flowers, music? AND I DIDN'T SUSPECT ANYTHING?
I have always said that I'm not ready to get married...that I'm not ready to grow up. But something about this just feels right. It feels good. I think sometimes you just have to trust those feelings. And I am absolutely sure that this is one of those times.